2 T-Day Jokes 4 U

Here is the first one....

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York two days before
Thanksgiving and says,'I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your
mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.

'Pop, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the father says.
'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you
call your sister in Chicago and tell her.'

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. 'Like
heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this,'

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, 'You are NOT
getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling
my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't
do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay,' he says,
'they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.'

Here is the second...

Bob the Birdman has a parrot. His name is Grumpy. Grumpy had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity.

Bob tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music, and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, Bob was fed up, and he yelled at the parrot. Grumpy yelled back. Bob shook the parrot, and Grumpy got angrier and even ruder. Bob, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird, and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes Grumpy squawked and kicked and screamed.

Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt Grumpy, Bob quickly opened the door to the freezer.

Grumpy calmly stepped out onto Bob's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

Bob was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask Grumpy what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, Grumpy continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"